An Open Letter to the Friend I Disagree With

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Disagreements are hard, but it’s part of daily life. We all face times where we need to disagree in order to love someone better, to set our boundaries, or to stand up for ourselves.

It’s normal to disagree. Healthy, even. When tough love is necessary in your relationships, here’s a godly way to handle it.

An Open Letter to the Friend I Disagree With

First of all, dear friend, I love you.

Disagreeing with you will never make me love you less.

Second, disagreements are uncomfortable – and what it comes to heart issues, the discomfort multiplies. I get that.

I can’t imagine how hard it is for you to ask me honest questions sometimes – especially when part of you already knows my answer is “No.”

But you know me. You know my heart.

The last thing I want to do is make you sad or upset.

You also know that I’m a tough-love kind of friend. I’m sorry for the way an honest answer can hurt.

Please know that tough love means I love you enough to give you my honest opinion. Tough love means I love you enough to disagree with you.

We’ve never been perfectly in sync – our friendship thrives on the way we challenge each other, pushing each other to view new perspectives.

I love that about you. Please know that I would never want you to change that piece of your personality.

I love you like a sibling – a healthy mix of disagreements, laughter, love, and fun.

A friend loves at all times,

and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

Proverbs 17:17, NIV

This is us – both friend and family.

My sisters and I have our moments of being absolutely enamored with each other’s company and equally opposite moments where we can’t wait to be out of sight.

The bond between siblings is one of the best kinds of love. Sometimes annoying, but faithful to the end.

I know you didn’t want to hear my disagreement. I know we both wish it were different. However, I also trust in the strength of our friendship. I trust in the years of growing together. I trust that when we disagree, it doesn’t break our bond.

Friend, you matter so much to me. I love you exactly as you are. I love you as a whole person, no matter what.

Keep asking me hard questions and challenging my perspectives. Keep searching and questioning and sharing your struggles.

It’s normal to disagree. Healthy, even.

Thank you for allowing me to see your vulnerable heart. Thank you for always having a listening ear to mine.

I’m grateful God allows us to disagree. I’m grateful that we were each wonderfully and fearfully made to be unique.

I wouldn’t want it any other way.

⁷ Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Romans 15:7, NIV

Your faithful friend,

Susannah ❤

For more on difficult relationships see:

• Intimacy can be difficult and that’s okay

More resources for conflict management + tough relationships

If you’re looking for even MORE resources on how to resolve disagreements, handle conflicts with grace + love, or settle arguments in a way that honors God, check out these tried and true faith-based resources.

• Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

This thoughtful book takes us through several steps in setting the boundaries necessary to stop many conflicts before they start. By being disciplined and care for ourselves and those in our lives with tough love, we can more fully enjoy our relationships.

• Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist

I will never stop recommending this book. By slowing down enough to let our own walls down, we find that the frustrations we have with family and friends slowly start to unravel on their own. From jealousy to contentment, from success-driven to soul-driven, Shauna takes us through the necessary steps on slowing down and working through our own fears and failures to better love ourselves and others.

• The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas

The subtitle of this book so succinctly sums up what it’s all about – “How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships.” Saying sorry is never easy, and sometimes it feels like it’s not enough. By taking a closer look at how meaningful (or not) our apologies can be, we can move through the discomfort of disagreements and build the trust, love, and peace of a healthy relationship.