5 Simple Ways to Lower Your Stress

When did it become okay for normal to mean stressed out? Our bodies thrive on a small level of stress – just enough to keep us motivated to be responsible for ourselves – but this stress isn’t small. 

I’m struggling. Stress has taken control of my life. My prayers are empty and distracted. God is here and He listens. But these days, because I spend so many of my waking hours avoiding my own thoughts and feelings that His words have become dull and lifeless in my mind too.

God has called me to write. To be honest with you about what’s happening in my world right now. To share my heartache and uncertainty – and to bring encouragement and comfort and in knowing you are not alone in this.

Our stress levels are through the roof, and it seems like nobody knows what to do about it. This is not normal, friends – and it’s not okay anymore. Stress causes so much physical and emotional pain in my life and I am over it. 

Can you relate to these stress symptoms?

First, let’s talk about stress symptoms. I want you to know that you are not alone. It might feel weird to talk about the negatives before we get to how to actually lower your stress levels. But I want to make sure we acknowledge just how much damage stress can do if we let it take control of our lives. Here are my two most common signals that my stress is out of control.

#1 – Physical pain.

I ache all over. And the reason I know this pain is from stress? Over the years, I’ve discovered I have “stress spots”. Once my shoulder pain is triggered I know I need to step back and see what stress alarms have gone off.

I can’t get comfortable on my 10-minute drive to work. I can’t get comfortable when I sit in a chair. I can’t get comfortable when I lay on the couch. My trusty heating pad and just the right combination of throw pillows are my only relief.

#2 – Fidgeting.

It’s often my husband who catches me fidgeting. I’ll bounce my leg up and down unconsciously (and quite vigorously) until one of us notices and encourages me to stop. 

Sometimes I can stop it once it’s been brought to my attention. Sometimes I can’t. So if I feel the need to fidget, I’ll wiggle my toes instead – which is much less of a distraction to everyone.

At this particular moment, I don’t feel stressed. But I can’t get comfortable in my chair for more than a few minutes. And when I stop paying attention, I notice I’m wiggling my toes. And I’ve stopped myself from grinding my teeth four or five times in this hour of writing. 

Friends, this is not normal. It’s discouraging. 

So let’s talk about this. Let’s recognize how much we’re all hurting and get back to some good old fashioned community. Misery loves company partly because the company can say, “I get it.”

I get it. And here’s what I’m doing about it.

5 Simple Ways to De-Stress

1 – Journaling.

Literally, in my journal, I start by writing: “Here’s what’s on my mind…” and keep writing until I feel my thoughts slow down enough to move on to whatever is next.

Yesterday, I tried to go to bed early. I even took a sleeping pill. And yet as I laid my head on my perfectly fluffed pillow, all I could think about was the tightness in my chest. Then, I started fidgeting. Then, I felt those stress spots in my back and I knew I needed to deal with whatever stress I had tried to ignore.

I didn’t want to journal. I didn’t want to think about what was on my mind. But I remember that journaling makes me feel better, giving me the headspace I need to breathe slower and deeper – and that’s what I needed to do.

So, I reluctantly grabbed my trusty (underutilized) journal off my nightstand and the smooth, blue ballpoint pen I keep nearby for exactly this purpose and I wrote.

“I’m stressed. I’m trying to go to sleep but I’m all riled up and anxious and I didn’t know what to do so I thought journaling a little might help. Here’s what’s on my mind.”

Guess how many things I wrote down…? 10. 

At that moment, as I was trying to rest, relax, and fall asleep, I had 10 different things on my mind that caused a physical stress response in my body. 

I didn’t even process everything I wrote. I just wrote. And as I felt those slow deep breaths become more frequent, I decided I was ready to stop. Then, I wrote the familiar closing lines that have littered my journal entries for years: “Thank you Jesus. I love you. Amen.”

It’s a small prayer, sometimes the only prayer I can manage, yet there is such peace in it. Peace in knowing that God knows and understands me completely. Peace in knowing that God has read and heard every line.

And always – always – as I write what’s on my mind, I start to let it go. Every time I put those anxious thoughts on paper, I noticed that my chest loosens. I notice that my breaths become more regular. I can physically feel my body letting go of those stressors. 

2 – Talking to a therapist.

Y’all, therapy is not fun. But it is so, so beneficial. I put off seeing a therapist for years. Now that I’m regularly talking to someone, I’m processing so much more of my behavior. I’m actually thinking about what’s going on in my stress-crazed mind and I’m actually doing something about it.

When I was a kid, I saw a therapist intermittently for… I want to say 8 years? She taught me things that allowed me to become who I am today.

She was the first person who taught me that it would be okay for things to be out of my control (ha! Notice how she was the first person. Anyone else still learning this?!).

She was the first person who asked me, “What’s the worst thing that could happen if you don’t try to fix everything?”

She was the first person who told me, “Yeah, it does suck. What’s happening to you isn’t fair. But you are in charge of you.”

I am a better person because of therapy. I am more well-adjusted. I am healthier. I can handle so much more than I ever would have if I didn’t see a therapist all those years.

So why have I avoided therapy all these years? Because facing who you were and who you’ve become and how your behaviors are based on things you’ve never even thought about is challenging, emotional, difficult work.

But I’m worth it. So, back to therapy I went. 

In just a few weeks, my therapist has called me out on things I needed to be called out on, shown me how much pressure I put on myself, and taught me that as soon as I use the word “should” to describe how to spend my time, it doesn’t count as self-care.

3 – Finding what really makes me happy. 

I love crime shows. But I noticed that if I watch more than two episodes in one sitting, I’m not relaxing, I’m avoiding. Two episodes – for me – is just right. It’s enough time to unwind and really get into my crime drama, but not so much time that I lose the point of taking a break and start avoiding my responsibilities. 

Watching two episodes really does make me happy, or at least relaxed (which I’m learning are different things – thank you, therapy). Watching more than two episodes really doesn’t make me happy, it makes me feel tired and lazy.

I love getting my nails done, but I hate how it looks when my nails chip. So I decided to start splurging for gel manicures. 

It’s a little thing, and I only do it about once every month or two, but it makes me happy to spend the extra $10 for a gel manicure. And I continue to be happy when I look at my smooth unchipped nails for the next few weeks. 

I love organizing, cleaning, and decorating my house. But when I throw the word “should” in there, I know I’m not doing it because it makes me happy. 

So when I want to organize something, I do. I had a blast organizing my closet yesterday and it is so much easier and more fulfilling to get dressed every morning. 

When I realize I’m scrubbing the kitchen counter during my “self-care” time because it’s driving me nuts and not because I want to, I stop.

4 – Snacking mindfully and intentionally.

Raise your hand if you’re an emotional eater. (🙋‍♀️ – me)

I have a huge sweet tooth. But I’m learning to notice what foods actually taste and feel good, and what foods aren’t worth it. I’m snacking more intentionally and noticing, “Do I really want a bowl of ice cream right now, or would a cup of cocoa be more satisfying?”

I’m also learning to notice calorie and sugar content, but I’m not giving up what I want. My morning coffee has sugar free creamer, but I still buy all the fun seasonal flavors. My evening snack is often ice cream, but not every night. 

I don’t really like salty snacks, so I don’t eat them. I try not to munch mindlessly in front of the TV or take food into my bedroom. Skipping snacks when it’s late at night helps too.

I’m choosing some healthier options and taking it one day at a time.

5 – Being honest and setting boundaries.

This is probably the hardest thing on the list, but it really does help me deal with my stress.

“How are you?” “Actually, I’m pretty stressed out right now. Thanks for asking.”

“Sorry, I have to go. It’s 4:30pm and I really try not to work past those hours.”

“Prayer requests anyone? Always. Here’s what I’d love prayer for right now.”

“Susannah, you really will feel better if you take care of this one little thing.” (Yes…being honest and setting boundaries with myself helps too.)

Being honest and setting boundaries can really suck. But I can’t emphasize enough how much it makes a difference.

I have enough on my plate. I don’t have to feign happiness or appear perfectly composed for anyone, even my husband – even myself. It’s just not worth the extra stress. The truth is, people generally respond to emotional honesty with compassion. The people that love you best care about those thoughts and feelings you’ve tried so hard to hide.

And who knows? Maybe they’ll see your honesty and learn they can be honest too – and then maybe the whole world will find they had more in common than they ever thought. (Or maybe not. Stop me if I’m reaching too far here.)

When I decide to put myself first by setting boundaries, nobody really seems to mind. In fact, more often than not, they get it and they feel the same way too. I’ve had coworkers this year tell me it’s an inspiration for me not to take work home and not to work over the weekends. Everyone is feeling this right now. Everyone is stressed – most likely more than ever.

It’s also why this new normal of waking up everyday painfully aware of my stress isn’t okay anymore.

Final Thoughts on Stress

My stress is beyond healthy levels. And I don’t want to live this way. So I’m talking to my therapist. I’m making time and spending energy to care for myself, to advocate for myself (sometimes to myself), and to regulate my stress.

Stress is the unspoken suffering that haunts us right now, and for so many, stress has been wearing us down for years. We need each other more than ever – and I can almost guarantee that however hard it feels to reach out right now, it will be so, so worth it. 

So, let’s get back to being in community with one another and start checking in with simple questions that go beyond the (sometimes) impersonal, “How are you?”

“Can I bring you coffee or a meal this Tuesday?”

“Hi friend! Let’s connect. What made you laugh today?” (Or better yet, send them a funny picture!)

“Do you mind if I have your address? I want to send you a little something!”

“Hey! How did you sleep last night?”

“Have you had any really good meals lately? I’m always looking for new ideas!”

“How can I encourage (or pray for) you this week?”

How much better would everyone in my social circle feel if I texted one person something specific and meaningful like this every day? How much more would I be refreshed and restored by giving up those few minutes a day to check in with someone?

Even before COVID, we’ve had so many opportunities to connect using technology. Let’s use them. Call. Video chat. Text. Email. Heck, write a letter! It feels good to give in this way and it feels good to receive.

Let’s reach out to each other – because more than anything that’s what we all need.

Thanks for listening, friends.

Susannah